Twenty-Nine Reasons

On March 29, I turned 29. The last year of my twenties (can you sense the anxiety in this sentence?). I woke up feeling heavy – like a pile of rocks were on my chest. How did I get here? I thought I’d be young forever. And yet. I automatically start listing the different ways I’m seeing myself age. But instead of allowing my thoughts grown in a mindset of scarcity to run wild, I desire to live from a place of abundance. Because despite my being single and feeling like my youth is being sucked out (hello crow’s feet & hip pain), I have so many blessings to be grateful for.

In choosing to focus on my abundance, I open my eyes to the beauty around me and so operate from a place of deep gratitude. I speak this truth into my anxious heart as I lie in bed the dreaded birthday morning. What better way to celebrate one’s birthday than to list some major blessings? I whisper. So, I created a list of 29 blessings I am deeply grateful for.

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1.     God’s guidance and comfort in tangible ways.

Throughout my life it has been apparently clear to me the deep level of interest God has in my life. (I’ve written quite a bit about this in former posts, in case there are any curious readers out there.) Although God has answered prayer requests in ways I did not expect or like, He has always answered. He has also always comforted when I cried out to Him.

2.     Major accomplishments like getting my masters.

It took me a year longer than the rest of my cohort but as I stood in line at the graduation ceremony, tears pricked my eyes as I realized (with great relief) that I had actually made it. I worked full-time throughout the entire program and had to drive around three hours a day to attend classes (some semesters I would drive over three times a week). There were so many moments I was ready to quit (I literally had to write a list titled “Reasons Why I Want My Master’s in Counseling”). And yet. There hangs my diploma, front and center on my office wall.

3.     Living next to my best friend and all the tea nights we’ve shared.

There are so many things I could say about her. Our deep friendship came as a surprise to me and it came at just the right season. God has spoken truth and comfort through her countless times. Every time I drink a cup of tea in my kitchen, I think of her and thank God, again, for this beautiful gift of friendship.

4.     Long, deep conversations with people nearest to my heart.

Some of these conversations have been painful but oh-so-necessary. I’ve grown immensely because of them.

5.     All the places I’ve been able to travel to (Hawaii being #1).

It’s crazy to think of all the amazing places I’ve been able to see and experience!

6.     Creating a beautiful space in this desert rental.

Complete with yellow walls, painted flowers, a set of cabinets dedicated to my tea collection and green purifying plants!

7.     The sense of passion and purpose in my job.

I love the way fire runs through my veins when I think about the mission I’m a part of. (If you’re interested, check out our website at www.hissda.org!)

8.     All the reading (and therefore learning) I’ve been able to do in my twenties.

All I can add to this one is there have been SO MANY BOOKS READ throughout the last few years, alone. It does my bookworm heart good to see my personal library growing each year.

9.     Discovering new interests and adding them to my life.

Who would have thought that ten years ago, I was clueless about the existing tea culture? (Add to this handlettering, photography, blogging…)

10. Niko and his many shenanigans.

He came into my life at just the right time. When I felt like a heartless ghost, Niko grounded me and slowly brought joy back into my heart. 

11.Being surrounded by loving and caring family.

There’s no way I would be at this season, this level of growth, if not for the nourishment and care others have poured into me. I’m eternally grateful. What I’ve received, I intend to spread everywhere.

12.Freedom and safety – something I often take for granted.

As a young single woman, I understand how blessed I am. I have my own career, a home, a car, and the ability to travel, learn, explore. I am so very grateful for existing in this time and place. As a Christian, I understand how blessed I am. I have the freedom to worship, express my faith, and learn as much about God as I want. With this acknowledgment comes a desire to live intentionally – taking advantage of these freedoms.

13.Intentionally practicing self-care and seeing results.

Self-care brought me back from a state of burnout and it is slowly teaching me the art of balance. I find I can’t be my best self, if I’m not intentional about my self-care. I’m loving the changes I’ve started to see in myself!

14.Learning to be still and embrace moments of silence.

In a culture that is driven by productivity, it felt like a sin to be still. But it’s in these moments of stillness that I feel most aware of the presence of God and that alone is worth the feelings of discomfort. I emerge from these moments of stillness more centered and confident. It has been a balm for my often anxious heart.

15.The practice of savoring and gratitude.

The practice of savoring has been so revolutionary to me, I wrote my last blog about it! This has really been a game-changer. Moving from a scarcity mindset to one of abundance has brought me deeper levels of peace and joy.

16.All the ways God has expressed His love for me.

17.My collection of tea and tea related items.

It’s a whole new fascinating world I’ve discovered and because tea is a social concept, I love how it has brought my loved ones closer together.

18.Vibrant plants all around my home.

Only two have died in the last three years!

19.Prayers said on my behalf – and those I’ve seen answered.

I’m quite sure intercessory prayer has saved my life more than once. To all who pray for me, thank you from the bottom of my heart.

20.Living in the digital age and how easy it is to stay in touch.

I would never have imagined that some of my closest friends live in different time zones. I’m so grateful.

21.Music and words that bring me closer to the heart of God.

Current songs I’m obsessed with: Eyes on You by Mosaic, Living Hope by Bethel & Waterfall by Jonathan Ogden. You’re welcome.

22.My health & youth – and the possibility of bettering myself.

I’m choosing to believe that I can make better choices. I’ve started to see results because of them and I’m hoping to keep the motivation up and continue making progress.

23.Receiving affirmations about my beauty, worth and belonging.

It’s easy to believe that I’ve been forgotten, not captivating, or worth the effort. I fight these negative thoughts regularly. When someone speaks truth into these vulnerable places in my heart, it’s like light flooding a darkened room.

24.God’s hand pruning and molding – and His comfort in the pain.

Pruning has been a hard concept for me to accept (there’s an older blogpost about it). I can’t say I have fully embraced it, but instead of running away, I’m choosing to abide and trust God’s heart towards me – despite the reality I’m experiencing.

25.Being inspired by so many around me for a myriad of reasons.

There are so many whose stories and examples have given me the necessary motivation to stay the course. When I look at these people, I am reminded why I want to be my best self. They are the heroes of this day.

26.Emotional healing bringing deeper understanding of self and others.

Several years ago, I struggled with depression. I started therapy and since then, I’ve kept emotional wellness a priority. I’m so grateful for the insight this path has brought me.

27.Being able to see beauty around me wherever I go.

This is basically the art of savoring and, I’ve realized, the secret to joy.

28.Feeling heard, seen and accepted – especially on the hard days.

29.The expectant hope of better things to come.

I end this post with a prayer.

May I continue to count the blessings in the mundane and wonder at the ordinary. May I seek God’s voice above all else and root my heart in His truth. May I walk in His light and nourish the hope He’s placed in my heart. May this last year of my twenties be the best one yet and bring Him glory. Amen.