The Art of Savoring (A Balm in Disappointment)

We sat in charged silence for countless moments. My spirit begging hers to accept the spiritual hand that was reaching towards her. Head lowered and hair covering her face, she wouldn’t look at me. Finally, I risked asking again. In agonizingly slow movements, she lifted her face up to look at me and said, “No.” I met her eyes and swallowed back the tightness in my throat. Bitter disappointment sat like a rock in my stomach. Why? Why not choose to keep working together on this? Why not dare to trust and connect?

There have been many moments when I’ve sat in that heavy silence, breathlessly hoping, only to be met with disappointment. 

It feels like a blow to the gut, stinging in the eyes, and mimics the same pain of rejection. Sometimes the disappointment came through the choice of another; sometimes I’ve disappointed myself; and other times I feel like God led me to this state of disappointment.

In Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, there is an exercise to help process through impactful events. It’s called the ABC model. The A stands for the activating event; B is the belief one has for the activating event; C is the consequence of the belief towards the event.

Here’s the central idea: the activating event has no meaning in and of itself. Only one’s personal belief of that event attaches the meaning. If I was to use the ABC model to process the situation mentioned earlier, it would go a little like this:

The meaning I assigned to the event is one of failure which led to negative feelings that limit connection and created a litany of self-accusations. If I were to assign a different meaning to this event, however, the consequence or mental outcome could be completely different:

Have you noticed the pattern in both scenarios is that the feelings are in a cause-and-effect relationship with the belief I have towards the event? Feelings are a byproduct of the beliefs or messages internalized. 

This means that just like that cliché “Happiness is a choice,” disappointment is a choice, too.

Sure, choosing positive thoughts, and therefore positive feelings, is easier said than done. I struggle with this choice daily – as I’m sure 99.9% of humanity does. One practice that I have found a tremendous blessing in being able to consistently shift into a positive frame of mind is the art of savoring.

To Savor

The practice (or art) of savoring is another form of mindfulness, which is basically being in the present moment. One can savor a cup of tea or savor the brilliant colors of the sunset. We love to savor the moments of connection when on vacation or gathered around the table. We savor the sense of wonder when we worship and remember all our God has done on our behalf. We savor a good story, staying up late into the night in order to finish a book or leaning forward in our chairs as we watch a 

tense scene on the TV. We savor the warmth felt when hugging a loved one or cuddling a furry pet. 

The art of savoring is possible every moment. There is a place for savoring in our relationship with God. In fact, I believe the art of savoring is vital in building a deeper intimacy with God’s heart.

Savoring tunes us to the presence of God. We can become so distracted that we lose focus on what God has revealed, making it invisible. How many times have we really savored the sound of the waves crashing, the sun warming our skin, and just sat in the fact that God loves us? Or maybe it’s taking a walk in the morning, hearing the birds singing and remembering what God said about the sparrows. Maybe it's savoring the feeling of connection when you share smiles with a stranger, pondering the possibility of a new friendship and remembering God calls us to live in community. 

Just like the art of savoring tunes us to God’s presence, we are reminded of His goodness and the fact that He has given us good things. This can turn our thoughts from a place of anxiety to a state of peace and joy. Ann Voskamp invites us to savor when she said, “The secret to joy is to keep seeking God where we doubt He is.” 

To seek God’s presence in the mundane looks very much like the art of savoring. For example, savoring the cup of tea at the office in the midst of stressful day or savoring the cheerful colors of post it notes when working on a project; that’s all shifting the focus to a state of gratitude. And being grateful means operating from a posture of humility because all is grace. 

Savoring is abiding in a state of gratitude, understanding that all has been given to us. We acknowledge and gratefully accept God's presence along with His blessings right now which leads us to remember His love and regard towards us. In other words, savoring helps us to transcend the current problems we face or fears we are battling by shifting our focus towards the light instead of trying to make sense of what might be dwelling in the shadows.

When I’m faced with situations that I can easily interpret into being disappointing, I can choose to practice the art of savoring. I can choose to tune into the presence of God, reminding myself that He is in this moment and He is pouring out His love over me even in this. All of the sudden, a transformation occurs. The disappointment and feelings of darkness staring me down are no longer what I’m focusing on. I’m looking past it. I’m seeing the promise - the hope - and smile while taking that next step in the journey. It feels like a lightness in my chest, strength in my limbs, and a confidence in my soul. This is not the end. I can go forth to a new day, a new set of possibilities. The shadows dim to insignificance as truth beams powerful and bright:

Savoring brings joy & the joy of the LORD is my strength.